The Beer Belly solution: Strap a harness to your torso that holds a bladder of cold beer. Add a sippy tube and you’re set.
**Before I go any further let me say this: In no way do I advocate drinking beer or any other beverage in a way that violates the laws or rules of whatever region, jurisdiction, venue or area in which you find yourself.**
Assembling the Beer Belly
I started out by rinsing the bladder with hot water. It smelled of plastic and I didn’t want that to get into the taste of the beer. Rinsing it was instructive as it immediately started leaking where the tube screwed into the bladder. This was because I had moved the tube to a more convenient position given its curve and doing so had unscrewed it just a little. After fixing that and figuring out how to place the tube just so I was ready for the beer.
Filling the bladder was a bit of a challenge. It took me a few tries and spills to figure out how to hold the bladder, keep the cap away from the opening and open and pour a beer. If I were to do this again I’d definitely use a partner. In the end I was able to easily fit a six-pack in the bladder and it appeared able to take more.
Using the Beer Belly
I wore it for three hours and by the end of that time was very pleased to take it off. When the bladder is at its fullest it is uncomfortable. As I drank the beer it did not go down as the pressure from the gas kept it fully inflated. Though I drank about half of the beer, the bladder remained full to capacity.
This was the biggest problem for me and one for which I can’t imagine that there’s a solution. Beer is carbonated. When you shake carbonated beverages they release their gas which creates more pressure in their container and causes them to go flat. It is impossible not to slosh beer that is resting on your belly. So, the mostly full bladder of shaken beer was stretched to its limit by the pressure and the beer blasted out of the sippy tube whenever I opened it. Plus, it wasn’t long before the beer was flat.